Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
