The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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