so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize
