I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
