finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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