perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
