I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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