As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
