Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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