thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
