I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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