Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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