Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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