You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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