Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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