I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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