She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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