I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
