She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just threw up on my dentist
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize