I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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