Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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