you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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