She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
