ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
