Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize