I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
