He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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