Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
