I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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