some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
