Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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