i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
