i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
