I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
