so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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