you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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