Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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