NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Life is so much better after having sex.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
