I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
