it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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