I think I just saw someone hide a body.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
