Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
