We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
as a side note pls kill me
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
