btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
