As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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