my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
