ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
