But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
