Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
