Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize