the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
