Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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