I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
