Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
