My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He did a backflip because drugs
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
