my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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