whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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