I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
