whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he was CRYING into my vagina
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
