Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
