Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
