this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
