Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
