i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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