I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
